BookRix

Well I really don't like you. Your boring.

Its a good start

great book let me know when you continue this book

I believe you are 10 years old? According to your profile. I actually wrote really bad when I was around 13, I did not have the proper use of grammar and I did not use descriptive words. Not to mention I thought using acronyms was okay as if everyone would know what it meant.

You have good dialogue for your age. Practice will make you great! So keep writing and ask someone older than you, which is what I did after I stopped being so shy and let them help me out. You have to learn how to not be so defensive with your work as well. Even the greatest authors need editors.

Keep writing! :)

Okay so here's the dealio, descriptions, descriptions, descriptions. When writing a story you have to describe everything. The smells, the sights, the sounds, the taste if there is one, the emotions, everything. If you don't then your reader might get bored and stop. It is a really good story and I liked it, and it's going to be even better if you used descriptions. :)

At the get go you have some very confusing dialogue. Many people like myself won't even get past the first page with that going on. So you need to transition the conversation's a lot better than you have them at the moment. Also you are not writing this like a normal book. It almost seems like you are trying to do journal entries. This is going to be a bad start for it if you plan on going further. You might need to rethink the whole concept of how you are writing it. Like I had said before the switching from person to person dialogue doesn't need to be written as you have it. It's just plain weird. I hope that this helps a little but if you can fix these problems then I could try and reread it and help out with a book cover. You just need to either print it out and then go through it and write it out on paper then onto your computer but make sure you proof read it to fix all mistakes or you won't get good reviews.

didint really like it ist boring

Should I do more writing?

Thanks guys for these comments. I have like a 2 hour audio book. It took me hours just to create it!

Its gud:). Try being more flowing.. Lol Keep on writing