BookRix

Please update this book I want to know what happens please. I need to know if the girl lives please.

What!? What did he see? The story is engaging, but needs a bit of work.

page 7 the first sentence you could put a period after 'it looked' and make 'They were scared stiff.' a short sentence on its own.

'The scene unfolding before me', remove 'the unfolded'.

Tighten the sentences. Pg 8: 'I felt my own heart stutter in my chest' can be written tighter and sounds stronger. 'My heart stuttered in my chest.'

Pg 9 typo: 'more my body' instead of move.

This is a WIP and I'm only giving you ideas of what to look at later, when you edit.

As I said, it's engaging and would like to read more of it.

I love it tell me when you UPDATE!!!!!!!!! plz update SOON!!!!!!!