BookRix

(●⁰౪⁰●) ︀➸ ｗｗｗ．ｄａｔｅ４ｆｕｑ．ｃｏｍ?_ebook-keira-aisling-inversion

This book is great and vivid. I loved it. ^_^
Keep up the good work!

Finally--I hate to use that word, but yes--finally I run across a work that captures my imagination and interest totally here. It doesn't take long to discover whether a writer, journeyman or otherwise, has studied the craft and mastered the key elements of prose construction.

Kudos.

I love some of the asides, many of the excellently placed descriptions, ie., dad entering the bedroom in his new angry, drunken condition. Particularly well-thought out and rendered. "For that one moment, he is perfectly lucid, perfectly aware of what he is doing." The paragraph containing this sentence is jarring in an oxymoronic way. just excellent.

I don't know where you are taking the story, really, but I'm captured. Keep me (us) posted as you write.

That said, there are a few very minor things you might want to look at in rewrite. Very minor. On page 5, last paragraph: "...as it always does when I thought about Jeremy." You're in first, present, but "thought" is past. Consider "think"?

Page 9, the paragraph I love: "I thought he was sleep, but I was wrong." Probably should be "asleep"...Most likely a typo.

These are little things that your editor at Random or Harcourt/Brace would catch immediately, if you miss them in the final draft. So minor.

Write on; your work is pleasurably readable. I have a feeling that I'll be surprised at what happens next, and then next, and then...