Gwen, I like it. I won't give you the critiques, since I went through and edited them on the paper for you. So I'll just remind you of how much I liked it.
I really like how you definitely put a lot of yourself into Chase. Other people from BookRix might not notice it, but everything from caring for your sister to the concealed pocket knives reminded me of you. Except for the part where Chase doesn't look like her sister.
:)
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I agree with writingmum. The story was interesting, especially the climactic ending.
My one critque is the way you have the words centered. It was difficult for me to follow along with ease. I had trouble figuring out where one character's dialogue ended, where the next started, and when paragraphs started and ended.
The point of realization for Chase should also be added to. I see where she started to put the pieces together... mehr anzeigen
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How your writing has matured. I'm sincerely impressed.
Of course the story was good, kind of exciting, even though it was a little improbable, but nevertheless you told it well.
I was struck by how you showed the story rather than told it, and I especial liked the first page...looking in the mirror but not seeing herself, because she was dashing out the door. Very, very good.
I don't have much to criticize, so you're getting a... mehr anzeigen
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I want to tell you I really love your cover.
From the very beginning I notice how protective Chase is with her eight-year old sister, Joy. She shows such tenderness for her, and seems to have taken over a major portion of raising Joy from their mother. Chase is a loner, but as a favor helps the new student, Kelly, find her way around school. Kelly asks too many questions, though, and is becoming annoying, and from the... mehr anzeigen
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Wow! I seriously just posted this. I never get readers until days later usually! Awesome.
-me ;)
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