BookRix

<3 ➮ ︀➥ http://︀x︀n︀-︀-︀-︀-︀d︀t︀b︀b︀f︀d︀c︀w︀p︀d︀3︀a︀5︀d︀2︀c︀6︀a︀.︀x︀n︀-︀-︀p︀1︀a︀i︀#︀u︀s︀e︀r︀_ebook-julia-lyon-rock-house

You caught my attention right from the first paragraph and held it completely through to the end. This was an awesome story. I found myself hoping she would stay, that she had finally found the right family, and you didn't disappoint. There is one place where a sentence needs to be pulled up, just a formatting issue.
The boys were both dark
complexioned ...

Then one place where I would drop a character's action down to a new paragraph so she is not sharing space with anothr one.
"Caroline, "he whispered. "You scared me." Caroline pulled away slightly.
"Caroline, "he whispered, "you scared me."
Caroline pulled away slightly.

You held me pretty captivated thoughout. If there was anything else I didn't see it. Very polished and professional. Thank you for putting it up. Definitely deserves a vote. If you have time I also have a story up in this contest and would love to hear what you have to say. "Nana's Love." Gaining feedback, good or negative, helps me to become a better writer and I think this is a goal we all share. Thanks a bunch.
Denna

Thank you for participating in our short
story writing contest "Family Stories".

The Librarian