BookRix

Oh my. Didn't see that coming. Absolutely love it!

I really liked this story and the flow that you achieved...I think that you have an amazing ability to bring the reader along for the journey. I truly believe that you are a master story teller with the ability to inspire,teach,and elevate any reader. I could fill up several books on BookRix lauding your talent...JK would be impressed indeed. Be blessed, Danny...

I loved this story. Perfect example of an epic short story; interesting and well-defined, not elongated with fluff, but still a perfectly good read. Thanks for sharing!

Reminds me of the messages i use to read in my highschool bathroom stall many many moons ago.

I really enjoyed reading this latest book Judy. I am always inspired when reading your work and feel my own writing improves greatly. Be blessed, Danny...

It was a very good short story, with my first read through I only noticed one thing.

“After all, unless this was a freaky unusual store, the clerks weren't the ones making the inventory.” This sentence is good, but “freaky unusual store” really threw me off. It could just be the way the character thinks/talks and you can keep it like this if you like, I just felt the need to point out how much it “disturbed” me. Potentially this is because of the redundancy of “freaky, unusual”. However, I feel it is still something one might think/say.

Otherwise, I just want to say the story itself was pretty cool and the ending's double mini twist was pretty cool. Overall the story reminded me of something you could tell around a campfire instead of a ghost story. "The Writing on the Wall, The Stalker in the Stall"

In my second read through this is what I thought:
“I receive food (eat), retain it (digest), and release… right.” The eat and digest in parenthesis isn't needed as it's self explanatory and then further explained by her being in a bathroom.

Your style of writing, at least in this case, does a lot of fragmented sentences for pause effect, I like it actually, though I can imagine others being thrown off by it. I wouldn't suggest changing it, just thinking about it. Examples of this is:

“No idea why – doubt the clerk was out there listening to make sure I was really using the bathroom. Still.”

“But the one directly over the toilet dispenser. Different.”

Per usual there aren't many flaws in your writing, there could be some grammar, commas, etc, but I'm not particularly great at all that. The only sentence which stood out for me on this front is:

“But the movie was about some tiresome couple who did nothing but argue using the most amazing profanities almost from the moment the flick started.”

I think there needs to be at least one comma in there, though it could easily be BookRix's reading format throwing me off and making the sentence seem much longer.

Again, thought the short story was as angamonkey said, "fast paced and awesome". Let me know if you write another one.

Woah....fast paced and awesome :D