BookRix

T︀h︀a︀t︀'︀s ︀h︀e︀r︀? ＷＷＷ.ＦＡＮＴＡＺＭ.ＯＮＬＩＮＥ?_ebook-jenna-lynne-fireworks-fade

i like it

I do have to agree with the other readers and say yes, your sentences do need a bit more assortment. Your story will run smoother if you add a fine mix between short and long sentences. Once you work out the rough edges your book will have a nice shine. ;)

p.s.
Though I am not usually absorbed with romance stories this was the first that caught my eye. Nice job.

Sentence length...Okay, yes. Page 7, the longer paragraph about midway on the page is an example. You have several rather short sentences, and you can improve the flow by either combining a few into longer sentences broken by commas, or simply rewrite the paragraph mixing the two. Think; long, long, short, long, short. Like that. Or any combination. This breaks the cadence in the reader's eye.
Once again, good start.

Jenna...I'm scared to read this book...is Salvador in this story...?

Yeahh sorry..Its not finalized yet..or even done..Aren't you happy your in it?!? Haha(: But ummm yeahh..I am only half way through the story..like not even you know the ending../:

Learn to spell the right word:) And jlynney you should write long sentences a little more often I see too many short sentences.