BookRix

Read part of page one.

I believe you have the skill, & ideas needed to develop this story further.
As rgabel & akshara mentioned your story can be padded out by using description.
You could also extend the story by using different timelines.
I am looking forward to reading more of this story.
Chris

Thanks for the feedback!

A very nice short story, indeed! You may need to change the category of the book into "Short stories" since it is one :) And also try to describe the things she saw in France.

Example: Cindy saw many people, crowding and rushing over an area, making her wonder what would be there. She also noticed that the people were all dressed differently, like how people during the ancient times would, with a vintage edge to everything they wore. 'Of course' she thought 'These people are ancient!"

This was one of the examples which came up to my mind! I liked your cute story. Try to describe certain things and grasp the readers' attention. Not that you already aren't doing that :D
Saved to favorites!

Wonderful start jasmine. Keep it up.

For a ten year old you have nice sentence structure. This is such a nice beginning for a much bigger story than you have written. May I suggest you go back and add more to it. For instance, maybe the clock could be discovered in the attic. You could describe more of what she see's in 1672 France. Maybe she could have a daring adventure with the waiter first, before he gives her back the clock. Sounds like it is a large clock, where did the waiter hide it? Remember to use the senses. What did she feel, see, hear, taste and touch? You have the ability to build a story, now get really creative and add to the story plot. Robynn