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Hey guys, thanks to everybody who's responded/voted/read so far! I agree with the comments relating to development, in characters and otherwise. I had this idea in my head for a while and once I decided to submit the story to the contest, I got a little overexcited and pushed it. I kept thinking that I needed to keep it short so people would actually read it, but I knew as soon as I re-read it that it would come back to bite me. Thanks for being honest!

Hi Jamie. My main opinion of your story was that you took SO long to get to the point but the point never happened. The transition of the main character was all of a sudden and out of the blue. I was expecting that the dog, Bond, needed some defined heroism that would be responsible for the change. Your idea was good and some re-writing would help tie it together. /joeparente
A great Sci-fi Murder Mystery is waiting for you to read and comment on.
http://www.bookrix.com/_title-en-joe-parente-the-timing

I would love to read your book but the printing is too small. If you change the size please invite me to read it again./joeparente

Thank you for participating in our
fiction writing contest "My Best Fiction".

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