I'm in agreement with Judy. My advice (like hers, generally) is get an editor. A teacher schooled in English, or a friend/writing partner/group. Those impartial, different sets of eyes, will catch many errors that you as the writer just don't see. Things like, "I could of..." take the reader right out of the story. You might want to (should) delete "of" and replace it with "have". Ie., "I could have..." Even, "I could've..."
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Impressive! Excellent plot and great horror. It needs a lot of editing (formatting the dialogue, spelling, etc.) but otherwise this is terrific! And I love how you handled the ending, which is all I'll say about it so it doesn't spoil things for others who read it. ')
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