Where have you been Richard Flanagan?

The old High School friend Von:
Where have you been Richard Flanagan?
An old high school friend from the past turns up unexpectantly and disrupts the quiet life of his high school buddy.

Beiträge und Kommentare
Wichtiger Beitrag
blackbeard

Missfletcher, gooduklady,I have a lot to learn from both of you laydies. You both pointed out my mixing of tenses for which I thank you. Missfletcher, I will review your critique and make the necessary corrections. This is great fun.

Jack

Wichtiger Beitrag
blackbeard

Marshal84...Thanks for your vote of confidance. I'm trying to come up with the right twist to this story. I'll invite you to read it again when I do, if you like.

Jack

Wichtiger Beitrag
missfletcher

How interesting...I wonder what Rich is up to...I'm not sure I trust him *narrowing of the eyes*.

A couple of typo's, but I'm the typo Queen, and it didn't bother me, but other readers can be less forgiving (trust me).

At times I was a little confused as to what tense you were in. I'll give you one example; "The memo's will still be there in the morning" Is this Inner monolog? If yes it would be better if defined as such by... mehr anzeigen

Wichtiger Beitrag
mf Harris

I really enjoyed this read and it left me wanting more. Where is this Rich and why is he so elusive thus far?! Maybe it is as simply explained as it has been so far but maybe it isn't. That is the great thing about writng, you can switch it up at any point!!!Let me know when you have more.

1 Kommentar
blackbeard

Thanks for giving me some of your precious time.I will let you know.
Jack

Wichtiger Beitrag
gooduklady

You certainly tell a good story, and I was very surprised by the "ending". Obviously you have presented an excellent cliffhanger and I would love to read more.

As far as feedback is concerned -- my only critique would be that you skip back and forth with your tenses. One moment you are in the present, and then the past. I would suggest you go through the entire thing and make it either "past" tense or "present" tense - but not... mehr anzeigen

1 Kommentar
blackbeard

Thanks. Your a hundred% right. I do have a problem with that. Thanks for pointing it out. I will correct it.

Jack :-? :-)

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