BookRix

Thank you, I'm glad liked the story otherwise, and yes, I tend to use "that" often. I will try to work on it. Thanks Again! :)

Yes, I agree with Sereni when she says it's rushed. You can fill it with more scenes and descriptions.
I also noticed you like to use the word 'that' a lot. In the sentences where you have 'that' read it without. You'll see you don't need it.
I liked the story, very imaginative. Your cover is beautiful as well.

You're right about those few areas, but I haven't had a chance to go through the story again. When I do I will be fixing a few things and adding a bit more to the story. Thank you Sereni for your feedback. I appreciate it. :)

Let me start off by saying I love your cover.

I found your story full of adventure, and enjoyed reading about those of Aridni’s .

I did think there were a few place that you could take a look at. Your second paragraph where the restaurant had the red and white wallpaper made me think of an ice cream parlor, though! A burgundy stripe might work better? It would add to the sophistication of the restaurant. Maybe something like this: It had burgundy-striped wallpaper, and the floors were a deep walnut. The furniture was carved and heavily detailed. There was a crystal chandelier illuminating the area, that gave the room an ambient sort of feeling.

In your description of what men wore, I think the word breeches would fit better than knickers. I felt at the end that it was a little rushed when she decided to stay and be with Bradley, when through most of the story she wanted to go home.

Overall this was an interesting storyline.

Thank you, I'm glad you liked this story. I came up with the idea for this story with a dream I had one night.

Oh, so she feel for the lad and doesnt go home....
i honesly did not see that commin, i thought he might go home with her
This is the first book you have used a personal narration, which means using 'I' and 'Me' instead of 'He' and 'She'.
It was a nice book about time tr\vle, something you dont see enough

Indira,

The book cover is beautiful. This adventurous story is captivating and full of mystery. I look forward to reading more.

Great job!