BookRix

You really did some good editing work on this story since I read it last. Good job Hima! I really like this story the best of all you have written. I'm voting for you because of your hard work and your talent! Keep it up! Robynn

I admire your ability to write this way. Good job indeed!

Hi Hima,

I love the front cover, very appealing.

You've added foreshadowing into the first paragraph that creates an excellent hook, well done.

Some tense issues, which can be rectified by studying up on your verbs. Comma use needs revision.

I'm not sure how the father read the protag's mind, you haven't shown it within the prose, only told of it after the fact.

I like your use of 'figure of speech,' i.e.: with 'ladder to the sky'.

New ideas need new paragraphs, i.e.: you are talking about the mother's looks then move into talk of the house, while still in the same para.

Good work.

Bek :)

You are doing so well! This was a unique story and you put it together well. Had a good flow, interesting and different. You still have problems with sentence structure. Don't we all! Example: Page 49 - Blood was bubbling with tense all over my nerves.
This is an odd combination of words, but I understood what you were trying to convey. It could have read, I felt my blood pulsing, my nerves tingling.

Page 66- Yes, why don't you express her?

I think you meant to say - Yes, why don't you express your love to her.

I am not sure if it is the conversion in your programming, or if you are just having problems converting between languages. Either way, I still loved this story and your ability to think up plots. You are doing great.