BookRix

B ︀e ︀s ︀t ︀★ ︀S ︀e ︀x ︀❤️ ︀D ︀a ︀t ︀i ︀n ︀g, ︀o︀p︀e︀n ︀l︀i︀n︀k ︀>>>>> ＷＷＷ.ＩＮＴＩＭＣＯＮＴＡＣＴ.ＣＯＭ?_ebook-h-elizabeth-leaving-rajike

Well written! You have captured a mood of adventure, foreboding and magic all in two short chapters. I do hope you intend to build on it. You can't leave us readers in this limbo forever. Please carry on and give us something to dream on.

You have a way of constructing a story that hooks this reader! I must agree with Geordi, however, in all points. It seems as though chapter two should be there when I turn the last page!!!
You've opened with tension and a dilemma nearly perfectly; taken the reader back a few days with gritty prose. Consider adding more action, resolution, action, resolution, and then a climactic ending.
Liked it very much.

really enjoyed this piece. that said, it seems that you just broke off- there is no end that makes the reader have that feeling of satisfaction that comes with finishing a book- the book is supposed to leave the reader with a certain feeling. a few more hundred words and it's reached that point.

grammar and spelling mistakes are few enough(if they even exist) that I just breezed right over them.

excellent job :)

Thanks, @goldbeard !

Great book Haley