BookRix

T︀h︀a︀t︀'︀s ︀h︀e︀r︀? http://︀i︀n︀t︀i︀m︀c︀o︀n︀t︀a︀c︀t︀.︀c︀o︀m︀?︀p︀r︀o︀f︀i︀l︀e︀_ebook-gurpartap-singh-letting-go

What a sad story. It makes you think of all the people in life who are going through the death of a loved one. I'm glad it had as happy of an ending as possible. It is well written and has my vote. Keep up the good work.

The content of the story is good. But I suggest that you include a cover page to make it more attractive. You can just go to the "Edit Book" mode. I am sure that this will help you gain more votes.
I will vote for this too.
Best Regards

A very interesting story.You got my vote/Mari

Dear gurpartap singh,

Your writing drew me very deeply into the hearts and minds of your characters. I felt what they felt... the depths of their sorrow, as well as their loving relief from the hopeless anguish of their troubled relationship. This, in my humble opinion, is what good writing does.

That being said, I'd like to share, if you don't mind, a couple of observations.

At times, I noticed what I felt was an overuse of adverbs describing the bodily movements of the characters. Adverbs do have their place in stories, but should be used very sparingly. Perhaps you should consider alternative ways to show the reader how the character is feeling, relying more upon body language itself rather than adverbs. You've demonstrated that you can do this in some places in the story.

Also, try to avoid using adverbs in dialogue tags at all. If you're telling your story well enough, then these shouldn't be necessary. You shouldn't have to tell your reader "how" a character said something... we should already be able to infer this.

I do believe this story is worthy of a vote--it's a good story. I was going to wait until I've had a chance to read other stories (as this is my first read) before voting. However, I've read enough short stories on sites such as this to feel confident that I'll find many stories of lesser merit than yours. Therefore, you have my vote as of right now.

Thanks for sharing this heartfelt tale.

Best Regards,

David Donch

Thank you for participating in our short
story writing contest "Family Stories".

The Librarian

What a moving story, and so well written. Unfortunately you've entered the competition very late so probably not many people will read it. Good writing though - Joe says you deserve a vote: I give you one.

Excellent account of the death of the son.Very well written. Only one suggestion: the transition from the narrative to the diary could have been smoother. You deserve a vote for your writing./joeparente