BookRix

There are some very nice things about this short story, among them the building of your two main characters, and the plot building you employed. I too liked the very surprising twist ending; the way you took us down the staircase expecting one thing, and then...:) "A thrilling curiosity took Pelle." Excellent, your use of thrilling instead of simply curiosity without a compelling adjective like thrilling:) Very visual.

I did notice several places where the subtle differences between your native language and "Literary" English were apparent, but these little things can be addressed by an editor, and the small corrections will make this story exceptionally good instead of just very good. An example where an improvement might be made: Pg. 9. The doors of the closet stood open and a third time sounded a howl through the motel.

"...third time sounded a howl through..." reads strangely "off" to me, and I should think most others schooled their entire life in English grammar. It might better read;

"The doors of the closet stood open, and for the third time a howl filled the wet, thick air of the motel." Or something similar?

I hope this helps somewhat, and that the brief comment makes sense:)

Again, I liked the story very much, and I could "see" each scene nicely.

Love it. Keep up the good work.

A couple of strange and dangerous characters for sure! Enjoyed the twist.

That's impressive

Well done, Greta

Must admit: I was a bit sad that the police caught them in the end. But, then again, I guess they deserved it.

really good thriller. I loved the twist at the end.

very interesting but confusing in the end.

amazing short story really enjoyed it. Im just a little confused at the end lol. Where did there plan go wrong. Keep on writing im loving your stories

The story is quite interesting and suspenseful towards the end. To bad it's a short.

enjoyed your nook.

Hi, Greta. I liked the flow of the story. It raises the readers' curiosity until the very end. Keep on writing.
Love, Iolanda