BookRix

Thank you for looking at my book. Apologies for the late response because i have not much time due to work commitments.
The fish only appears for this chapter only because his purpose is to flavour the drink. Mr. Folb is rich so it's an honour for him to be drunk by a man of his position.
The fish is also there to illustrate Mr. Folb's attitude and double standards for his son.

Thank you for your comments. I apologize for the late response because I usually have no time to write because of work commitments. I find your comments helpful and honest which I what I need.
Please provide me with a link to where you explained your corrections.

Dag nab it! I want to find out what happens to the fish!

Oh, and I met Douglas Adams many years ago when he was on a signing tour in Atlanta, Georgia. I was giddy and he was very tall (but then again, I'm not very tall at all).

From the few moments I got to say, "Hello" and "I only just read your books because my fiance & his roommate were all gaga over it. But I must say...now I know why!" He then grinned and said, "You know it's funny the number of women who tell me the very same sort of story. Thank god for their boyfriends and husbands or I'd be out of half my readership!" Then he shook my hand.

He had a goofy sense of humor that I can see in your WAY TOO BRIEF tale. So make it longer!

There, I've said my peace. :o)

Avery

Your story retained my interest because I was curious to see what would happen to the son when he went to Earth. There were a few spelling, tense, and punctuation errors that I tried to correct to the best of my ability on the group discussion you created about your book. The main issue I found with your piece was with the dialogue and the characters. The characters didn’t seem to have depth. As the reader, I was unsure of the name of the main characters so far (except for Mr. Folb), the age, or any physical description of them. Age is usually inferred by the way the character acts, but I am unsure of the age of the son because he acts a bit immature in the story, but at the same time he has enough money to purchase an expensive drink for his father if he loses the bet. In reference to the dialogue, my main qualm with it was that it lasted too long. The fish is an insignificant part of the story, but the dialogue between it and the son lasts almost two pages. Maybe think about cutting it down. What I did like about your story was the idea of another planet influencing the history of the Earth. I also liked the fact that as a reader I could tell that the father and the son had a bad relationship without you having to tell me directly in the story. Overall the story was a nice read and I wish you good luck in your revisions.

Thankyou bobrocks1. I am surprised at the positive responses so far. I had 4 or 5 negative ones on another site but that was not a writers site its more of a Q&A site to every member of the public.
Have you rad Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy?
This is a send up of Douglas Adam's writing style. Do you think it is similar in any way?

I wouldn't call it silly. I'd call it whimsical!! We need stories like these every now and then so that we don't take life so seriously!

Thank you Tanya. Because you don't know anything about Hitchhikeer's Guide and liked my book I find your review quite interesting. Thanks for reading my book much appreciated.
About the banana peel its a vague homage to one of the Hitchhiker's Guide books. The original cover to "Life, The Universe and Everything" had a picture of a bottle cap from a soft drink can floating in space.

I am ignorant as to what Hitchhiker's Guide to galaxy is, i did hear the title mentioned but never read it. So this comment is based solely on your book, which is very humorous and readable. The story flows and would like to see how the son will find the earth once he's on it. As for your cover, don't really know what a banana peel has to do with aliens. I do see that you wanted to show humour with it, seeing someone slip on it would be funny. But maybe a funny looking alien would have been better? Just my opinion, as always.

You definitely have the flavor of D. Adams' stories! I know it isn't finished yet, so I won't carry on about watching your tenses and grammar and stuff - I'm sure you'll fix all that up once you've gotten more written. But yeah, definitely keep going. This is absolutely adorable and the comedy potential is enormous! For sure got a lot of giggles already!

Thanks. Actually the fish is not meant to be suicidal, he's supposed to be adding flavour to the drink and its more of an honour (which is why he's proud to choose the dad's glass and not the son's one) if you saw or read Hitchhiker's Guide that's a parody of the creature (which was still alive) introducing himself as "your meal for tonight" and suggested a cut from his shoulder or rump to Arthur Dent's disgust. Thanks for the like and please make suggestions for a change in an e mail.
What did you think about my choice of cover for a story like mine?