BookRix

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This is amazing.

However, though the dialogue at the end of the story wasn't confusing, it threatened to be. I'd advise you to enter a new line every time a new character speaks. Otherwise dialogue can get confusing.

Otherwise, this story tugged at my heart. Oh, the poor boy! And the poor woman...

You did an excellent job. The writing was superb and the story very well done. And though it is very sad, I could imagine little Jay's story continuing on to play out in multiple adventure. Maybe you should continue Jay's story..? I know it would make a good novel/novella ;)

Bravo!
Well done :)

Outstanding job!
Keep writing!

---RbG

I read this story and it tugged at my heartstrings, about a mother who feels she has no choice but to leave her son. I can’t understand how a person could leave a child alone without a plan for his future. While I was reading, I didn’t understand why you left a blank space underlined. When she stared at the cushion long enough to ______________, ?
I felt you needed to explain what happened in the in-between time when he was settled in his mother’s arms, and then when he was jarred from his slumber and he was back on a train. I look forward to reading more of your work. That was such a cute picture for the cover.

I would like to know what happens to Jay next. Does he find his mom? I am hoping he did, or he is taken somewhere safe.

An interesting premise, but a little confusing. First, you have left a blank in the middle of a paragraph, which leads me to believe you uploaded a draft of your story.

Second, you state that the mother jumps off the train with the boy cradled in her arms. Then, in the next sentence, he wakes up alone on the train. This is somewhat contradictory. I shall look forward to reading it when you have edited it further.

Esther,

You have written a very sad and touching story. I liked it from beginning to end. It would be great to read more about Jay and Scruffs adventure.

Good writing!