BookRix

(°ᴗƪ) ➜ ︀↪ ｗｗｗ．ｄａｔｅ４ｆｕｑ．ｃｏｍ?_ebook-dragola-the-mystic-licking-blood

Okay. I see potential but you need a lot of work. You need to work on description more. Description is key in a horror story, we need to experience the fear of the hunted or the psychotic behaviour of the killer.

I honestly got lost in the story line, like did you turn into the woman you killed or what? Don't rush it, freak out your reader and get them engaged by all senses and imagination through vivid descriptions.

Example:

There was a heaviness in the air that even I could not explain. It was like the darkness knew something I did not know and it was trying to warn me; as subtle as it could. A sound of a branch breaking asserted that I was not alone. My heart thundered in my chest as a chill run down my spine. I could barely see but I felt it. It was here and it had found me. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up and I knew it was close; too close. As much as I did not want to, I followed the script and looked behind me. I saw nothing. That was until I turned my head to continue my escape. It was the worst mistake of my life; it might have just been my last.

Great!!! Have you checked my deep breath?

Please comment and help me with any ideas. IDK how good it is as my first go at horror. Scared myself a tad writing it though!