Another very well written story and one that could be made into a longer book. Sereni gave you some good advice, but the over all story was wonderful. Suspense was maintain throughout. Really a good job.
Yes, I voted. Keep up the good work.
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When you write your blurb you want to give the reader a peek at your story. It’s important to have correct spelling. Sometimes I have even taken a small part of my story for the blurb. I must admit at your age I don’t know if I would have written stories, and posted them so bravo for you.
Page 5
His smiles, always reminded me of spring- (no capitals for) sparkling colors, flowers and pleasant weather. But today, when he... mehr anzeigen
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This was a good story in that it was direct. No effort was wasted in trying to force a twist or mystery, and it was better for it.
Some of the verb modifiers should be switched around, and a few of the verbs were a bit off, i.e. when in flight the main character "marched" down the stairs.
A quick tip for your blurb, if you're short on the character count, you can fill it out with all spaces.
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I must say, there was a high degree of tension throughout this story! Overall, a very good effort, and a nice wrap up at the end.
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You were able to maintain suspense from the beginning to the end. Good read!
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