BookRix

I love it! Please write more

So far, so good! Be careful, though - you leave out a lot of necessary words, which just means that your mind is working faster than your typing. All you have to do to fix that is go back and re-read what you've written, maybe read it out loud, and you should pick up the omissions immediately and with no problem. Your story line is great, and I look forward to each new update!

cool book

thank you i will try your suggestions

This is a very good effort, so very well done.

However, if you want to take your writing seriously, and you want us to enjoy your stories, take these golden rules as gift from me to you.

1. Ditch the capital letters. It's lower case all the time. Never mind that it's easier for you. To learn writing you have to work for it. Start now and you'll never look back. Also it looks better on the page...more professional.

2. Dialogue should always be presented on a new line when a new person speaks.

3. If you use a name or a title at the end of a sentence when you are addressing someone, always insert a comma before the name....
How are you, Jane?
What are you doing, Mrs Jackson.
I'd like to go out with you, Peter.

And finally....

4. Edit edit edit; watch your spelling and missing words.

Good luck with your writing
Wendy

CAPITAL LETTERS ARE EASIER FOR ME TO TYPE.

still great cant wait to read more you got me hooked on this book

well written. but why do you prefer capital letters? it´s harder to read. +ky

that was a great story and i hope you finish it

Aha! You've introduced the hero! Very nice! Okay, good continuation!