BookRix

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Much better scene building! Now to work on your English, which while extremely good, is still the victim of our bizarre way of expressing things properly.

For instance, you tend to change tense from present to past within the same sentence, a major no-no in any kind of writing (for instance, "became" is past tense - use "becomes" instead). You also do what's called "head-hopping," a popular way of saying "omniscient point of view." Here's what I mean:

The book starts out from Flora's point of view, so the reader is seeing everything through her eyes. Suddenly, however, someone jumps out and grabs her arrow, and you identify him as Enzo. Flora wouldn't know his name, so the flow of the narrative is halted while the reader wonders if maybe she does know him. But a few sentences later, you have her admiring his looks in a way only someone seeing him for the first time would, followed by his demand to know her name and him introducing himself. So no, she didn't know him before, and right there you've switched point of view (or head-hopped), a technique only the very best writers in the world are capable of pulling off successfully.

Still, you've made a lot of improvements, and I applaud you for your hard work in getting this work to a higher standard - bravo! Keep going, utilizing what I explained the previous two paragraphs to fix the tense and point-of-view problems. You're getting there, and I'm confident this will just get better and better as you go!