Desmond for some reason only you will know you've made it difficult for anybody to read. I'm talking about the layout and that type of matter before even mentioning the content of the story.Why do that?
You might try changing the background to white and the colour of the print to black. Select a larger font 12pt is the minimum and 14pt is suitable for young adults. Going for a 14pt will make it easier on the eye and will look... mehr anzeigen
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This is longer than your first effort...but unfortunately I was not "taken" with your subject matter. To draw in readers, you must write in an interesting manner with a highly developed plot. Keep on trying. Read other people's work and you will improve.
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