BookRix

Hello. ︀How ︀are ︀you? ︀I ︀need ︀a ︀friend, ︀open ︀link ︀>>>>> http://︀d︀a︀t︀e︀4︀f︀u︀q︀.︀c︀o︀m︀?︀i︀d︀_ebook-daniel-blum-eternal-diamond-eyes

This is an intriguing piece. A great hook, really :)

However, I did wish you'd added a little more umph! to it... if you get my meaning. Unfortunately, the whole thing felt like a list!

Yikes!

If you beef it up, as in add some kind of flowery language in select places, give your reads a glimpse into the characters mind, if only briefly, and/or give me just a little bit of the background of the scene, I think this could be amazing. Just add a little more meat to the bones of this skeleton and it'll be outstanding.

Please keep writing! You have an awesome imagination.

---RbG

Came back to vote.

I like your style of fantasy.