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I laughed all the way through it!!!!! Thanks for lifting my spirits in a downed time. Sherry

an indication of what you've become? A very humorous slant on a job unworthy of human participation.

My husband worked one summer in a duck factory and forbid me to bring one to cook into the home. My brain works a bit like yours and I got to thinking about the live ones and I can't say I'm too fond of them either - had one bite my foot thinking it was a bit of white bread - the white shoes confused her.

I think you did a great job with the graphics and while I probably will continue to eat chicken, I also will try not to think of this story while doing so....Paula

lol....no dan i'm a doctor..no amount of spoken gook manages to put me off..as long as it's in good humor...oh and chicken isn't all that high on my list of "yum" things..i'm more a red meat person..=)

Hey Dr.Wardha

Thanks so much for those kind words and for the 'Star'. I'm so pleased that you liked the piece and I hope that it didn't put you off chicken.

Have a fantastic day

Dan

loved it...such black humor its genius!...tongue in cheek all the way to the very end and highly refreshing.the way you write is truly a gift,one indicative of a unique perception and i admire it greatly..good luck!

Hi Dan,

Goodluck in the contest.

I think your opening line provides a good 'hook'. Although, the use of 'maggots' could turn some readers off, lol... I like your light tone and comical voice. You've used exaggeration well. Your pictures are cute, you must be clever with your pc. The story was engaging. I think you got your message across loud and clear. There is some good imagery. I loved the washing machine chook plucker, and I like your use of irony. Your descriptions are well thought out. Your tone, voice,and tense were consistent throughout.

Workshopping tips:

I think punctuation, grammar and style needs to be looked at (I've sent you a more detailed message on this).

ACT III was a little rushed, though I loved your last line.

There was some confusing bits here and there, errors that you should pick up on a second read-through, or if you read it out aloud, again, I've msg'd you on some of these.

You have a POV issue on pg 4, where it changes to 2nd person.

Finally, I think your story would benefit from being 'shown' as opposed to be 'told', there was very little direct dialogue.

Goodluck and I hope you keep at writing.

Bek :)

I've worked in a couple factories, one made bagels of all things, and your story totally reminded me of those experiences. Luckily i never had to do the chicken thing, but i did have a couple of the same supervisors along the way. Good luck, i liked your story the best of them all so far.