BookRix

The previous comments have just about covered everything

You have a workable idea keep at it .
Tidy up and put in place all advice given
I am sure you are up to the task
Good luck

I certainly agree my spelling is not the best here. But I wanted to get this idea down before i lost it. I do plan on fixing the spelling.
Thankyou for reading. And yes Wiccan are women who protect earth's white magic from the evil dark magic that could throw things into black chaos.

Your spelling etc. is distracting but I like your development of plot and narrator questioning why she is made the healer. Story sometimes is confusiing. For example on On page 14 who is "she"? I will read more later. I like the idea of Wiccan as I understand these are women who want to keep earth's magic safe from evil? Is that right?

Thats what I want honest direct and helpful statements. This is a learning process for me and I relish your opinions and your suggestions. basically this is a draft that I will develop as I go. Thankyou I see that there is more to do as I develop this story. Many thanks. And I will wwork on the grammar. I am A poor typist.LOL

I have read your Keeper story. You really need to work on spelling and grammar and punctuation is a mess but the story is interesting and with work I can see it as an entire novel. Keep working on it. These are good criticisms to help you to write. Don't be discouraged as you have taken the first step that many many people never take at all. To get your story flowing try making larger paragraphs and use descriptins of the surroundings, characters etc. It sort of just jumps into the storyw without a lot of backup and then it comes in dribs and drabs. Be more infomrative and tell us about where the character is and what they are in the plot and what is their dilemma. Also some back story on their earlier years or time as such. Some things needs to be defined as not everyone knows of the terms you use for your genre. Pretend no one has ever heard about wiccans or covens or magi of this degreee. Tell a story that includes all your senses so the reader can find their way quickly into your story and not feel like an outsider. This is probably your first draft and it is a good start as it does have a story just add some of the things I mentioned and it will become a much better work. The words are yours so you can take all the credit when done. Good luck. A prechapter one would be a great way of introducing the story as a whole. Try telling of the story behind the story. Get people to know where they are and who is whom before you introduce a problem or question or dilema. Jeffrey allen White

I have read your Keeper story. You really need to work on spelling and grammar and punctuation is a mess but the story is interesting and with work I can see it as an entire novel. Keep working on it. These are good criticisms to help you to write. Don't be discouraged as you have taken the first step that many many people never take at all. To get your story flowing try making larger paragraphs and use descriptins of the surroundings, characters etc. It sort of just jumps into the storyw without a lot of backup and then it comes in dribs and drabs. Be more infomrative and tell us about where the character is and what they are in the plot and what is their dilemma. Also some back story on their earlier years or time as such. Some things needs to be defined as not everyone knows of the terms you use for your genre. Pretend no one has ever heard about wiccans or covens or magi of this degreee. Tell a story that includes all your senses so the reader can find their way quickly into your story and not feel like an outsider. This is probably your first draft and it is a good start as it does have a story just add some of the things I mentioned and it will become a much better work. The words are yours so you can take all the credit when done. Good luck. A prechapter one would be a great way of introducing the story as a whole. Try telling of the story behind the story. Get people to know where they are and who is whom before you introduce a problem or question or dilema. Jeffrey allen White

I have read your Keeper story. You really need to work on spelling and grammar and punctuation is a mess but the story is interesting and with work I can see it as an entire novel. Keep working on it. These are good criticisms to help you to write. Don't be discouraged as you have taken the first step that many many people never take at all. To get your story flowing try making larger paragraphs and use descriptins of the surroundings, characters etc. It sort of just jumps into the storyw without a lot of backup and then it comes in dribs and drabs. Be more infomrative and tell us about where the character is and what they are in the plot and what is their dilemma. Also some back story on their earlier years or time as such. Some things needs to be defined as not everyone knows of the terms you use for your genre. Pretend no one has ever heard about wiccans or covens or magi of this degreee. Tell a story that includes all your senses so the reader can find their way quickly into your story and not feel like an outsider. This is probably your first draft and it is a good start as it does have a story just add some of the things I mentioned and it will become a much better work. The words are yours so you can take all the credit when done. Good luck. A prechapter one would be a great way of introducing the story as a whole. Try telling of the story behind the story. Get people to know where they are and who is whom before you introduce a problem or question or dilema. Jeffrey allen White

I have read your Keeper story. You really need to work on spelling and grammar and punctuation is a mess but the story is interesting and with work I can see it as an entire novel. Keep working on it. These are good criticisms to help you to write. Don't be discouraged as you have taken the first step that many many people never take at all. To get your story flowing try making larger paragraphs and use descriptins of the surroundings, characters etc. It sort of just jumps into the storyw without a lot of backup and then it comes in dribs and drabs. Be more infomrative and tell us about where the character is and what they are in the plot and what is their dilemma. Also some back story on their earlier years or time as such. Some things needs to be defined as not everyone knows of the terms you use for your genre. Pretend no one has ever heard about wiccans or covens or magi of this degreee. Tell a story that includes all your senses so the reader can find their way quickly into your story and not feel like an outsider. This is probably your first draft and it is a good start as it does have a story just add some of the things I mentioned and it will become a much better work. The words are yours so you can take all the credit when done. Good luck. A prechapter one would be a great way of introducing the story as a whole. Try telling of the story behind the story. Get people to know where they are and who is whom before you introduce a problem or question or dilema. Jeffrey allen White

I have read your Keeper story. You really need to work on spelling and grammar and punctuation is a mess but the story is interesting and with work I can see it as an entire novel. Keep working on it. These are good criticisms to help you to write. Don't be discouraged as you have taken the first step that many many people never take at all. To get your story flowing try making larger paragraphs and use descriptins of the surroundings, characters etc. It sort of just jumps into the storyw without a lot of backup and then it comes in dribs and drabs. Be more infomrative and tell us about where the character is and what they are in the plot and what is their dilemma. Also some back story on their earlier years or time as such. Some things needs to be defined as not everyone knows of the terms you use for your genre. Pretend no one has ever heard about wiccans or covens or magi of this degreee. Tell a story that includes all your senses so the reader can find their way quickly into your story and not feel like an outsider. This is probably your first draft and it is a good start as it does have a story just add some of the things I mentioned and it will become a much better work. The words are yours so you can take all the credit when done. Good luck. A prechapter one would be a great way of introducing the story as a whole. Try telling of the story behind the story. Get people to know where they are and who is whom before you introduce a problem or question or dilema. Jeffrey allen White