BookRix

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A Past Killing is on the book jacket but A Death In The Past is inside on the title page. This was confusing.

I opened your book and was delighted. I could envision the characters in front of me, and wanted to read more. The problem I see is it was to short. While I know a lot of books are done with chapters this has a tendency to put me off. I admit to being impatient, I feel some of the shorter books tease, and when I get the time I want to read, and finish, unless it runs into hundreds of pages.

I don’t know how you feel about short sentences but see how this reads. The afternoon was muggy. A cool breeze washed over the wooden railing, and danced over the open veranda. If the afternoon was muggy how can there be a cool breeze? I am experiencing muggy weather now and would die for a cool breeze

I noticed the lack of commas. I have a hard time with them too. When my work is edited I find numerous commas added. We discuss why I need them, and the best help for me is to read my work aloud. There is help on the internet about when to use them.

He father whispered in her ear as he helped her up. With a wicked smile on his face. Since the definition of wicked is morally bad or harmful. Would it sound better to say: He had a teasing smile on his face.

On page 6 I was thrown when you used the phrase Irish, and then in a couple of sentences below Pandi referred to her husband as English.

I liked your description of the Gryo cycle. I could imagine them riding, and the amazement everybody felt as it climbed up into the atmosphere.

The sentence on page 7: She could be so un Maharani like. Here is an example: Pandi could be so young, and free, so unlike a royal. That was what he loved about her.

Over all I enjoyed reading your story, and I am waiting to find out more. Please when you have written more of this adventure contact me .

I rated it that because I am not sure if its going to get graphic or not. also I have added a few passages just now. If you have read them thanks. I might change the rating.

i'm also a fan of steampunk. and i'm wondering why this book is rated 18+? is it going to get extremely violent or erotic? :)

update me when there's more to read please

Thanks. Mostly grammar I believe. But that is what drafts are for. Will be adding more today.

I love steampunk, and you have a good start to your story.

There are a few small mistakes, but for now, I'm just hoping you will update soon.

Let me know when you add more!