BookRix

beautiful book

wanna update. Nice start

love it can't wait for the rest :)

Your Prologue is much, much better (clearer) than your blurb, Chloe. Re-read the blurb and see if anything strikes you. You often want to use that comma when you should be using the period:) You capitalized the next word, after all. The blurb is the FIRST introduction to your work, and as such, you need to make it letter perfect...and make it "sing". You can do that with a little work, and a lot of reading it over and over.

Your cover is great!

Prologue. Nice, but again, watch that punctuation; ending those sentences with a comma instead of a period. Watch your tense drifting, too. "...I helped her lifting her head up and she whispered lowly
'"Sweetie if I don't..."
You can use "lifting" if you precede the word with a comma, but as it is, mom is doing the action from what you wrote. How to correct the sentence: Ie., "...I helped her, lifting her head up carefully (think of using an adverb here), and she whispered lowly. (PERIOD!)
"Sweetie, (comma) if I don't..."

But the little oopses aside, the Prologue sets a dynamic mood and invites the reader to go onward. Well done.

Chapter One. "Ten years later, I had Amnesia..." No, don't simply spell out the affliction. Show it in some way, ie., "They first noticed something strange in my behavior a few years after Mom died. My best friend, Alana, for instance. I didn't remember her name that morning at school..."

So, now we get the hint she has amnesia, but you haven't come right out and told us. Plus, I think it's a better opening. SHOW the reader what and how it happened. You have an entire novel in which to tell how this impacts the plot.

Above all, self-edit. Polish your grammar as best you can. Ask for help. There are many here who are able and willing to critique what you've written...but begin by going back and working on that punctuation:)

Write every day!

i love cant wait for more! :) please let me know once you update

I CANT WAIT UNTILL THE NEXT BOOK

It was really good! But I got confused at times simply because when they were talking there weren't any quotations and some words were misspelled. But those problems can easily be fixed! It was very good!

This book has a lot of potential! Great idea! I recommend you find someone to proof read it so that the grammar can be corrected. Try and make the blurb a bit longer and put the commas and full stops in the right places. Send me a message once you have written more as I look forward to it :)