BookRix

i liked it, and i can't wait to read what goes on next!

wow you really know how to keep readers on there toes lol hope to see more soon

so be sure to please tell me

i like it plz rite more

omg i wonder wat grabbed her rite more please

...to start a book.

And a fab cover.

Here's some errors for you...

Start a new paragraph with 'That was a lesson...' It will make more of an impact.

Love your first line, although I think it could be tweaked.

Paragraph 'Where i had been picked up...' needs a complete re-write. It doesn't make sense.

'I screamed and kicked, bit and punched but...' Your problem here is the word 'bit' It makes the passage sound odd.

Suggest something like...I kicked and screamed and attempted to punch his face, despite my flailing arms. Instead I bit him.

You wrote 'The pig laughed again'. What pig? I thought it was a man dangling her over the cliff.

'Motion' mentioned three times. Avoid repetitive words.

After that it sounded pretty good. I especially liked the last line, although you've got a typo in there ('then' should be 'than') and I would delete 'had' so that it reads 'mama once said'.

Despite these matters it's a great start, an intriguing hook!

Well done and good luck.

Wendyxx

that is soo sad! write more!

I promise!

that is sad.