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Pretty good but it needs a revision for grammar check as well as a bit more details in certain parts, it kind of just jumped from one thing to another instead of setting the scene.
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This is a good idea . needs some editing and a spell check
example
I would not use U for you and a few other bits that a need careful redo.
paragraphs should be defined
If you attend to these minor things it will make an easier read and better set out story
well done on first try
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thanks ill go through and try and fix the problem and in some of it the grammar is spost to be teible because of the point there talking online in txt talk but im still haveing problems with grammar i have tereble grammar so some pointers would be nice and with the jumping... mehr anzeigen
thanks ill go through and try and fix the problem and in some of it the grammar is spost to be teible because of the point there talking online in txt talk but im still haveing problems with grammar i have tereble grammar so some pointers would be nice and with the jumping around ima ad more i just got writers block alot so id strt at a new part im a lose as a writer on some days
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