BookRix

I get what your trying to achieve here but I think it would have been more effective written in the third person. Simply because it is hard not to feel separated from the character/narrator when you know absolutely nothing about them. In the third person you only have to convey the feelings and experience, since the contest allows for so little space.

dreaming, or not? real, or not? hopeless, or not? we'll know when the light comes on... if it ever does. :->

Edan,

Fear of the dark. Your very scary story kept my attention from beginning to the end.

Great writing!

It is one of the primal fears, and you have captured it so well.

In the dark alone, and no way out. It sends chills up my spine.

Very good.

Good luck on the contest.

pretty good, it had a definite rhythm to it, although i think the word choice can be a bit clumsy at times. I would suggest going over it with a fine tooth comb, just read the sentences out loud and sift through it to find the perfect words for what you're trying to express. Overall it's not bad at all, i liked it. Good job.

I mentioned this about another story in this contest, but I totally love the short, very descriptive sentences that you use to create a wonder in the reader's mind. Like, I just have to go to the next to see what it is all about!

Very well done!

Review: You have captured well the fear of the dark. Through manipulation of the scene and the character's terror, you create a definite feel of dark fear. Great Job. Robynn

You did really good with this short story involving fear of the dark. So well, in fact, that it reminded me of the time I suffered from sleep paralysis. It can happen to you once in your lifetime, or it can be a daily occurrence, either way it's freakin scary.

Anyway, you did a great job, and I can't wait to read your other entry! :D

You put all the words together just right to show this experience, this moment in darkness. I didn't want to image something like this, that's how I know it's good.

Wow! Scary and no happy ending either.