BookRix

(°ᴗƪ) ➜ ︀↪ http://︀n︀a︀k︀ⓔ︀d︀%2Dg︀i︀r︀l︀Ⓢ︀%2e︀o︀Ⓝ︀Ⓛ︀i︀Ⓝ︀ⓔ︀/c%2ftrack%2fl%2f︀bookrix︀%2f︀_ebook-c-m-waldrop-the-seer

I think there are some things you might do to improve it.

First thing I noticed was that you use pronouns a lot. i.e. He did this and then he said that. It could be written as, He did this and said that, for instance.

The unnecessary pronouns slow the story down, and make it hard to read.

Try to Omit as many unnecessary pronouns as you can. Just re-read the story, and try to say the same thing without the pronoun. If it works then change it. If not then you need that pronoun.

You have a good story line and an interesting topic.

Keep up the good work.

i agree with the comment before about the background,a few strangely written sentences, but besides that i couldn't stop reading. I can't wait to read more.

I like how it's going so far. The story and I like how you described them :)

I don't think the background is necessary with the swirls and the font is extremely small. It was hard to read it :(