BookRix

your book is good
keep it up :)

【≽ܫ≼】 ︀➯ ＷＷＷ.ＤＡＴＥ４ＦＵＱ.ＣＯＭ?_ebook-brandy-bouma-scared-yet

Framingham, MA

All their buildings are constructed around the trees on their land, they say.
And the pictures back their words. They don't scream environmentalism from the
roof tops but practice it. I am not a religious person but I applaud and
salute their vision and commitment.
Every disciplined way of life has some nugget of wisdom that all of us can
benefit from. I see developers and even individual home builders thoughtlessly
felling age-old trees to build more Mcmansions.

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This is a good story, but you need to do some editing. Have you proof-read this? If so, you might want to try reading it out loud. As writers, our mind are always in auto-correct mode, meaning we'll see a mistake but automatically correct it before it even registers as a typo or error. Because of that, we gloss right over it, and when someone point it out we're like, "How did I miss that?" But when you read out loud, you're forced to say everything, enabling you to hear the error. For instance, in the second paragraph on the first page of Chapter 1 (page 2 of the book), you say Crys in charge IF making sure... instead of saying Crys is in charge OF making sure...etc. Right after that you have what I assume is a typo - you have the word "branchs" which should be "branches."

Another problem you have, which is quite common among newer writers who are trying to tell the story in present tense is that you keep switching from present to past. You have to keep your tenses consistent or the book becomes, well, annoying, and difficult to follow.

Something we all do, me included, is reduce the world we're writing about to the small space around our characters. When that happens, we lose sight of realism. For instance, you have Sam lying back and looking up at the trees that are swaying in a breeze that had begun about thirty minutes earlier. Yet in the very next sentence, your main characters says she sits next to him and notice that the trees are STARTING to sway. What? How could she know they'd been moving in a breeze for the past thirty minutes, yet only just notice that they're swaying? That seriously makes no sense. See what I mean? I think you were picturing Sam and what he was doing and seeing, but when you began to describe the main character's actions, had a totally different mental image of what was going on.

Again, read your story out loud. It also helps to have someone else read it to you. For real.

All that aside, in general, your spelling and grammar are good, and the story follows a well-conceived arc. It's interesting and the characters are likable. You also built the tension well, making the reader want to keep going. That last point is one of the most important things you can do as a writer, and you seem to be able to do it with the ease of a writer with natural ability and genuine talent.

Hope this helps. Let me know if you have any questions about it.