BookRix

O︀p︀e︀n︀ ︀L︀i︀n︀k︀ ︀➝︀ ＷＷＷ.ＦＡＮＴＡＺＭ.ＯＮＬＩＮＥ?_ebook-batman444-moment-of-truth

Well this really shows how much talent you have as a writer. I must say, you have a natural way with words.

Unfortunately, this piece was a bit fast and cheesy. I see from the blub that you wrote this in class, but I think you should go back over it and add some more details or information. This could be a short story or a novella of sorts if you actually wanted. I really believe so!

One thing that really made me sad as I read was the beginning of the story. When the snow storm hit, I didn't really get a good picture of what happened. And was it like a gust of wind with snow that made the brother get lost, or an avalanche?

Yikes!

Make sure your readers know what's going on ;)

Also, I think you should make the beginning as realistic as possible, so the rest of the cheesy humor and silliness(which I enjoyed, by the way) has more of a punch. I'd encourage you to elaborate more on what happens and tell me more about the storm and the relationship between the brothers. The dialogue could be a bit longer too.

Otherwise, this was good. A very well written piece. You have an excellent command of words, and though you have room to grow, you've got natural talent. So work at it. And remember, like any sport, writing takes time and hard work to perfect. And once you find your personal style, it all goes up hill at a steep slope.

Awesome job!
Keep writing!

---RbG

Love it!