BookRix

AAASSSHHHLLLEEEYYY!!!!!!!!!! YOU NEED TO GET ON AND WRITE MORE!!!!!!!!!!

BEFORE MY MIND EXPLODES!!!!!!

ASHLEY!! YOU NEED TO WRITE MORE!!!

Good job this is amazing..... Write more soon please

awesome book :)

This is a great book, I can't wait to read more :)

It was a pretty good story! There were quite a few errors in punctuation and capitalization starting with your introduction or preface and also within your story! You get those corrected and I do believe it will be much better! It was an impressive indite! :)

The premise is interesting, but my enthusiasm was immediately dampened by the fact that the very first paragraph has a comma splice. I know it's small, but it doesn't set a very good precedent. Beware of tense shifts, too. You alternate between past and present tense throughout the piece, and you wanna make sure to be consistent. Also beware of telling rather than showing. For example, you say she's a good climber, but I'd rather read about how she effortlessly scales a nearly branchless pine, the result of years of practice.

You don't have to step out of the story for your exposition. Interweave it with actions. Describe as she climbs a tree how her small body makes it easy; have her look around and see the landscapes you describe. Try to work worldbuilding in more seemlessly. I must confess that that's wh you lost me just a few pages into the first chapter. Granted, I'm running on about three hours of sleep, so that may be playing a role, but really that's neither here nor there. This has potential, and I really like the idea, but heavy-handed exposition has always been my kryptonite as a reader :-/

Wow, you are an amazing author! Are you going to keep writing, because this was so awesome! Please update soon! I really liked how you worded things, but there are some places where you don't capitalize correctly. I love futuristic stories, so this is awesome.
~silvereyes

hey Ashley i was also wondering if you could read my book, Golden door, Silver key, and maybe give some feedback? only 2 or 1 people gave me feedback, and im hoping to make it better! thx!! P.S also anyone can read it, and please leave feedback!!!!!!

Ashley, i have to say ur book is amayzing, maybe add a little more detail about what the people look like, and wethir they live outside the wall or not. also maybe the ages of them (if u did sry, i tend to read to fast then the books awesome .'D!!!) and thx the story was really creative and dreamable!!!