BookRix

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First off perhaps the print could be just a tad bigger, for those with seeing problems it’s a bit difficult to see. I like your description and overall concept just go through and edit or have a proof reader look at it there is quite a few errors. Thanks for the read ~faith

As Iread this I felt like you had a great backstory written and now it seems you could write a good story. For example, it took you first 8 pages to tell about her divorce. You are doing to much telling and not enough showing. As a reader I felt as though you were explaining the plot rather than making it alive with a combination of dialogue and inner thoughts. Sometimes thoughts jumped so fast. As I read there were times I suddenly stopped surprised. Would he or she have thought that on what I have understood so far? for example, Adrian told almost immediately after he introduced himself that he wasn't what he appeared to be? Would that be natural for that to happen? There are other examples - though I would need to got back to text. Giving the reader a little bit at a time heightens the interest as the story is revealed and as the relationship changes between the two of them.

Please understand, I think you have a good plot- you know what the storyline is but now you need to let the characters live it out. I look forward to reading more of your stories.

Great plot. You have the making of a great story.
Chris

Ark, you need to go through your book with a fine tooth comb as there were too many mistakes for me to list. For example, on the first page, you start "Her and her husband," which should be "She and her husband." They had "grown apart" not "grew apart," and so it goes on. Too many commas which are misplaced, make your sentences hard to follow. I know it is difficult for many writers to write fluidly, but it is very important if you want great reviews.

Your plot and story line were good and capture the reader's attention. I encourage you to keep writing but, more importantly, read as much as you can to see how sentences SHOULD be written.

You have done well, but this needs a lot of polishing and editing. If I can be of any help, feel free to private message me and I will be happy to edit your work via email. All the very best, Valerie

really great book true love is so hard to find