BookRix

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90%of people marry there 7th grade love. since u have read this, u will be told good news 2night. if u don't pass this on nine comments ur worst week starts now this isn't fake. apparently if u copy and paste this on ten comments in the next ten minutes you will have the best day of ur life tomorrow. you will either get kissed or asked out in the next 53 minutes someone will say i love u

Well I have sort of edited it on my ipod which is were i write it first. And now i need to find somewhere with wifi so i can update it again.

u need to choose between third or first. if it's gonna be told in first, you can't say "Then flame did this, and she said that' it has to be "Then i did this and said that." it gets confusing to the readers otherwise. other than that it is overall interesting, with a plot that makes me want to see where it goes from there. the smoother you make your rhythm, the easier it is for a reader to read it. you may know exactly what is going on, but your reader may not be able to follow your brain paterns. you need to spell it out in layman's terms. the mark of a good book is that it is easy to read. the first step to take is deciding on first or third person narative. keep writing, it's good stuff