BookRix

Hi, möchtest du – oder jemand, den du kennst - gerne abnehmen aber lecker essen ohne Reue? Willst du den Schlüssel wissen, wann Nahrung dick, und wann sie schlank macht? Dann schau doch mal rein ins Buch. Endlich habe ich eine Lösung für mich gefunden. Das könnte dir auch helfen. Liebe Grüsse! Aline

http://www.bookrix.de/_ebook-aline-kroeger-bewusste-ernaehrung-erfolg-kann-man-essen/

this was nice and very well detailed :)

SOME SMALL SPOILERS
I enjoyed the short story and found it funny that both our stories are set in New York, though mine being in New York doesn't really come into play. The main thing that caught my attention errors wise was just the spacing, indenting your paragraphs would make it seem much more professional. I'm also not sure that you ever make it clear that the main character is a girl or a boy, which is semi vital to the story for its love/friendship side of things. If the main character is a boy then the kiss with Chino could just be drug induced experimentation.

At first I was curious about the title, since I grew up with a lot of Japanese stuff in my house. I remember I had a red pair when I was little. :)
This is so good for such a short passage; I don't know how you do it! There are a couple of little errors (filp flips XD) that caught my eyes, but they really don't bother me too much. That being said, I myself make tons of errors that I don't catch until I reread something for the 50th time. Anywho, I hope you write more things like this! The cliffhanger-style kind of reminds me of The Dead Zone by Stephen King. Maybe you'll be as famous as him someday!

First and foremost let me say...when I read this I had to keep reminding myself that the author is 'a kid'--yes, you might've been 20 when it was written...but I'm old enough to be your mother...so you're still a kid! :o)

And I did that because it was written with such smooth maturity I was quite often taken aback at just how well it flowed. Often times younger writers fall into and out of style when they're still fairly fresh to the art. But your writing speaks like an old soul trapped in a youthful frame. You're very lucky!

I wanted to tell you the day I read it how much I liked it...but I was asked to hold off on telling contestants anything about whether I liked or didn't like a story until all the 't's were crossed, the 'i's were dotted and the contest officially ended. And now that it's official...I'm officially telling you that you scored one point off of perfection in my opinion. 1 point? Yes, there was one editing blip that sort of stood out as being something that shouldn't have been allowed past your old soul eyes!

Keep writing with that youthful spirit...and your words will be forever fresh!

Cordially,
Avery

You really know how to write a cliffhanger! Terrific story, I love the grittiness of it and the relationship between Luis and Chino. Your writing is addictive, keep it up and good luck in the contest!

I got a bit confused at one point because of the fast paced action. But I'm tired and dehydrated and I've been on my laptop 4 ages. All in all I think its really good and I want to find out more so the only criticism is that you finished writing it when I wanted to read more.

Angely,

I have never been to NYC but by reading Geta, somehow I feel like I have. The subway ride, the fast-paced storyline, the mystery. It is all interwoven in a way that kept my interest throughout. So, there's a mystery at the end with Chino...you can fill in the blanks with more of just leave the reader to formulate their own intriguing answer. Either way, this story has some bite and I hope to see more from you.

Is that it??? What happened to Chino??? I wanna know where he went... poo, should have been more!
Got my vote, it was really well wrote, the dialog wwas reeally good, i felt like i was actually in New York, were iv never been i may add!!1
Its really cool short story, i wanted to read more and find out were Chino has gone....Is he dead???

Sooty for taking so much time, but I couldn't forget to vote for this. Good luck as well and great job :)