Come on Skinny Love

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Come on Skinny Love
"The first time I laid eyes on Ivelisse I was nursing a shot glass. I wanted her the moment I saw her, and she, well she wanted my money. But then again, I had seen her through a haze of Bacardi, and in that haze, she was an angel in a tight dress. A tight dress and hips. Lord have mercy."

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Gelöschter User

This is absolutely amazing. I haven't read something that poignant and descriptive in awhile. You paint pictures with your words so, so well in this piece. Keep writing! :)

2 Kommentare
angamonkey

:,) thank you so much! I'll try to write more soon after this semester is over. So glad you liked this :)

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Gelöschter User

surprise ending ... very fer write have that so love it ... very well written ..love it

1 Kommentar
angamonkey

Thank you!!!! :D

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gizmokitty

WOW!!!!! Very well written. I am impressed. I was caught up in the story fast. Of course I looked up the song! Cannot wait to read more of your work.

1 Kommentar
angamonkey

I'm sorry I missed this, but thank you so much, and feel free to swap with me. I'll read one of yours and you'll read one of mine :)

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Gelöschter User

Wow, I wasn’t expecting this to be sad, but it was and I really enjoyed it. I was curious by the name of the book because I really like that song. I wasn’t sure if the title had some kind of connection with the song, but after reading it I can see this song really inspires you. At first I thought Ivelisse was a bitch, but towards the end I sort of understood her a little more. I think you have an interesting way of writing,... mehr anzeigen

1 Kommentar
angamonkey

I'm still working out the kinks of the mysteriousness hahaha...and thank you so much for reading and critiquing. I don't like giving it all away in the beginning, I feel like it makes for a better read than just dumping it all down.
Thank you once again :)

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mokomonko

Very well written story, although the word is 'cliche' not 'clique', that confused me at first. I also hated Ivelisse, she was way too harsh for my taste, and the end she chose for herself seemed odd considering her attitude for the rest of the story. But that's all personal opinion, overall it was an enjoyable read and a well written story.

1 Kommentar
angamonkey

thank you! I'm still in the process of editing the story and trying to figure stuff out. And sorry about that spelling error, I didn't realize I did that at all.

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Gelöschter User

now I have to go on to youtube and listen to that song for myself. too curious not to.

1 Kommentar
angamonkey

Look up his performance of the song in 2009 in Glastonbury (it's the one mentioned in the story)

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Gelöschter User

Wow. Smooth and very well written. Easy to fall into the moment and 'be' in the room. Grinning over here. Nice. Nice bit of work. I haven't commented on a book in a LONG time, Lazarus and Felix prob thought I'd fallen off the edge of the earth I've been gone for so long, but you pulled a comment from me. nice.
.. forgot some as I passed through but page ten 'joined forces' not forced. I always appreciate when someone catches a... mehr anzeigen

1 Kommentar
angamonkey

Wow...Thank you so very much for commenting on my book :D I'm honored that my story pulled a comment from you.
It's always wonderful to hear that the flow and dialogue were captivating enough to keep everyone reading. I'll try to incorporate a similar style in my next story.

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lazarus67

Somber, moody, full of angst and desire. Reaching out, yet out of range. A yearning to own or just to enjoy for the moment...almost hopeful.
Well told. Looking forward to your next.

1 Kommentar
angamonkey

:,) Thank you. I hope the next will please you and the other readers as much as this did.

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Glynis Rankin

Wow! I didn't see that coming! I actually had tears girl.
Amazing and I agree little option.

Do what Patrick said, and its perfect! 8)

1 Kommentar
angamonkey

Thank you so very very much :) It was fun writing this story, and comments like these make it worth it.

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felixthecat

:)

Perfect:) I absolutely love the ending scene! You nailed it.
One small thing...get those punctuation marks in her dialogue exchanges...those remarkably poignant words...inside the ending quotation marks:)
This is the best piece you've done so far, Angely. Kudos, my dear.

1 Kommentar
angamonkey

I'll fix those pesky punctuation marks :) thank you so very much for all the help on this, Pat.

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