BookRix

over to give you my vote. Good luck!!!

I won't say why, because I don't want to give it away in case someone is reading the comments before checking out the book, lol!

You have a few glitches - your use of pronouns sometimes makes it hard to decipher who is talking and what the setting is. You also make an error that's rather common, but one that makes the difference between a story that sounds professional and one that's amateurish. I know, none of us is a big-time author or anything, but I've learned that it can be the little boo-boos that turn people off to a story. The one I'm talking is the possessive form of the word "my." It isn't "mines," which are dark, dangerous places where coal and diamonds and stuff get dug out; the correct possessive form is "mine," as in "that car is mine."

But having said all that...you have incredible potential as a writer! I love the way you describe the scenes, the movements of your characters, the emotions and reactions, all of it. And your imagination is amazing!

I read your post about how you get discouraged and don't think you can write a longer work, so I went to your profile to see your books. You CAN write a longer story. You have the kind of thought processes that will make that totally possible. The best way I know to write something longer is to devote a minimum of fifteen minutes every day without fail to working on it. And once it's done, then you can start the editing process. It's a lot easier to tell if a character or plot line is going the right way if you have the whole story to give it perspective. So see it through to the end; it won't be perfect, nor should it be. A story is "alive," changing and growing all the time until it reaches maturity. Maybe that's why so many writers call their story their "baby."

Anyhow, you're very talented, and I really hope you don't give up. 'D

love this book

Thanks c:

First of all, I love the cover! It's so pretty :)
Second of all, I really enjoyed the story. I can definitely see it being turned into something longer, especially the way it ended. I did notice a few spelling and grammar errors, but I think they're just typos. A really cute short story :)

I corrected it. Thank you!

you are very descriptive! one small suggestion? you might want to format this book again. there are lots of line breaks, etc., where there shouldn't be. its a pretty easy fix but it would make a difference in readability.