BookRix

Hi, ! I would like to invite you to join my platform. Can I DM you through your s0c1al M3d14, so I can explain it more in detail? Thank You

Hello, Angel!

You've requested that I read this story, so here is some feedback:

Firstly, I'm actually very intrigued by this. You started off very well. However, there are some grammar issues and mistakes, which is understandable without an editor! Haha, trust me, I nearly tear my hair out with every mistake I find in my books! Try not to take that the wrong way, as I was impressed by the beginning of your sentences.

For example, you didn't continuously begin with "I", which can prove very repetitive and boring! Very good job! Even so, your paragraphs were a big lengthy! You should try to shorten them a bit because too much often causes headaches or loss of interest, etc.

Hm, some may not realize the character is backtracking or past situations are occurring, perhaps italicizing would help!:)

Alas, I've said too much already. Again, I'm very interested and cannot wait to see where this goes. I found the ending of this chapter to be quite humorous (was that intentional?)

Anyway, lovely job! Continue, please.
-Danielle.