BookRix

I like the new setting the characters are in. It sounds like an adventure is awaiting them.

As I was reading chapter five, the though of Wind in the Willows came to mind. I think it has to do with how the two characters in this chapter interacted with one another. The dialogue was very sweet and caring. The story is coming along well.

I like the inclusion of the mouse as a character in this chapter and how you portrayed him. Good job.

Very clever play on words with "chipnun" in chapter 2. I think you did an excellent job of building up Reformation's character at the beginning of chapter 2. You are turning him into a multifaceted being with a range of emotions. Like where you are taking the story. I like a good adventure as well as fantasy.

I agree with James, Andrea. You have a very easy way of fleshing out scene as well as introducing character, I might add. The beginning of a very interesting tale. Speaking of beginnings, your prologue--the basket and note tucked inside--reminds me of The Midnight Palace's opening (Carlos Ruiz Zafon). I hope you've read it:) That note holds an important key, which we, the readers, are intrigued by! We'll find out what was inside later I trust.

I couldn't help but notice a few small things as I read TSRT, the first being your dialogue exchanges, and the tags following them. You're fine with a question mark or exclamation mark inside the ending quotes preceding the tag, but do go back through and yank those periods out, replacing them with commas.

On your first page in the prologue, night time should be one word, and wooven...oops, your finger tapped the "o" once too often. Remember the little poem from grade school, too. "I before e, except after c." Is "tisked" a word? I don't even know for certain myself, but I THINK I'd write it as "Tsked", past tense of tsk.

A host of other small things, the correction of which would turn this into a VERY strong book.

You are quite a fine young writer. Stick with it.

Very good story telling. Your characters have depth. Your theme is well-established. Good dialogue between the characters. Good job establishing tension and conflict.