BookRix

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I added this book to my group "Underdog Books". You deserve way more hearts so I hope that it was okay.

I never would think of a book like this. Your idea is so...original! I hope this is not the end. :(

Yaya!!!

Yeah I do, even though it's suppose to end there, I just like the whole Idea, I might rewrite some of it to leave it open more. Also, thank you for recommending it, I appreciate it greatly.

As for your book, I will most defiantly read it and give you any advise I can think of.

This is good! I hope you do continue to write it after the contest. You have a vote from me. My friend loves stories like this one, so I'll be sure to recommend it to her XD.
Now, could you please read my short story, Slender? I'd like some feedback. Do you like it? Are there things to improve?
Keep writing,
~H

Thank you, I'll keep in mind those questions.

I'll try to make areas easier to understand since I still have some wiggle room till 1000 words.

Again, Thank you for your advise.

I noticed that while I was writing. I'm more of one to write longer stories then this so I guess my imagination got out of control.

I've been trying to figure out a way to conclude it hacking away at my brain some although I've only gotten ideas to finish it. Thank you for the advise, I'll definetly be using it as I try with an actual. Flash Fiction. With restricting my creativity.

This story was easily read, but, unfortunately, sometimes hard to comprehend. At times I could feel my eyes grazing over the words without understanding or absorbing them. And after a while I would resume the story when my brain decided it was easy to read. Ah :\

So I think you've got some editing to do. And like writingmum said, you should put include paragraph breaks. It can get tiring reading line after line after line after line...

But anyway!

Enough of all that. Now ;) The story itself is actually kind of interesting. However, I still don't understand the main character. Does she(he?) live with a family? Does she(he?) have a family? Does he(she) have a master of some sort? And why did she(he?) go into the house with the twins? It's a bit confusing and a little all over the place.

I think, if you cleaned this piece up, it would be a very neat story. Really, I do. The beginning is an excellent hook with just enough information to keep the reader going.

But keep writing, because like any sport, writing takes time and hard work to master. So keep at it :)

Great job!
Keep writing!

---RbG

Flash fiction is all about having a beginning, a middle and an end put together in a few words as possible or in this case more than 300 and less than 1000.

I'm getting the feeling this is part of a bigger story, so I should advise you to secure an ending to satisfy the reader. Also, it's imperative you include paragraph breaks. It's really off-putting and makes it hard to read.

Apart from that, I think you're a nice writer and despite the lack of paragraphs, the story seemed to flow nicely

Well done and good luck in the contest.
Wendy