BookRix

Cute and badly in need of editing so you will find an edited version in your messages. You do have to produce a readable copy so you should take more care when writing. Even erotica should be produced with some pride and care if you want it to be read. You have good ideas and put them together well. I enjoyed this short story once I had edited it. Good luck with future efforts.

What an improvement!!! Keep up the good work. Not only have you improved the mechanics of your work, but as usual your topic is HAWT!