BookRix

Well, well, well, what do we have here? The makings of something great? Maybe, just maybe.(: I completely agree with the posts below me that tell you to continue this story line. Obviously, you already know, it does need some polishing when it comes to the grammar/spelling. I found that the paragraphs seemed a bit too long (like you could have split each one into smaller paragraphs). But besides that, great job! Keep it up and tell me when you've written more, cookie!

~Cheyenne

This is a really cool and interesting story line, please carry on :)

I think this is really cool book. You should definitely continue the story line and develop your character more.

Every amazing writer goes back and reads their own work to edit it or change some parts that might not work. So take another look at your writing and edit the typos out of it. Other than that nice job. Keep on writing.

~Jillian who likes pie.~

This is a nice storyline Dude. Though I would suggest that when you're typing the rest of this story you make sure you aren't using the wrong words in your sentences. For example, instead of follow you wrote fallow, and you wrote bye instead of by. In the sentence you wrote Skye wasn't saying bye to anyone in the story. Both sound the same but obviously mean two different things. More than likely you already knew that. I just found those errors slightly distracting. More than likely you will change those mistakes later but I thought you might want to keep that in mind while you're typing. Keep writing I'm excited to see what will happen next.

Oh it fills my "Heart" with joy "wink wink" i'z haz a heartz

A Quick Review : Chapter 1

My advice : save what you've written so far on a separate document as well as send it to your e-mail every once and a while, just in case something happens and your book gets deleted on BookRix. Believe me, cause it happened to me! And boy am I glad I had a backup ;)

Nevertheless! Let us get on with the review.

Strange beginning, but it kept me going! Who is this Skye person, and where are these people? On earth? A strange planet? Another world? And why was Skye so happy near the end of the chapter? I don't get it.

I would recommend you go through this first chapter and editing out all the typos. The best way to do this (from personal experience) is to read through the chapter, Out Loud. It works! Just the other day I was editing my own work and decided to read the chapter I was working on aloud, and found many more mistakes than I originally thought were there. Sometimes it's easy to brush aside this little trick, since it can be time consuming. But try not to! It will pay off in the long run. Oh! And read it out loud in a robotic, boring voice with no emotion whatsoever, only taking breaths at commons, periods, and places as such.

Also, a lot of your sentences are choppy and almost unreadable. Well, in the sense that I had no idea what you are trying to imply. So again, read through your work!

Sadly, I couldn't tell if Skye is male or female, human or alien, child or adult. Make sure everything you write is understandable and to the point.

And it is common to enter a new line every time a person begins speaking. The same is applied when another character begins talking. Oh, and add some paragraph indentations! Otherwise your readers will get lost in the sea of words.

There are quite a few typos as well, including multiple spelling errors. Not all are simply incorrectly spelled words, but words sounding the same but having a different a meaning (like "bye" instead of "by", and "to" instead of "too"). Watch out for that!

Oh! And lastly, make sure you don't switch tenses! It can ruin a good story.

Anyway!

Besides that, I think the story is intriguing and will be great! But make sure your writing in understandable and palpable. Because if no one can read the book, no matter how amazing the story is, readers will have no choice but to put the book aside.

I look forward to reader your full, revised version :)

Good job!
Keep writing!

---RbG

It's a good start.
I do have a few suggestions though. First off you have quite a few spelling/grammar errors (although I understand how that because I have a few in my stories as well). I also saw a problem were you like to just state just physically what happened i.e. we walked here, then we sat, then we...and so on. I think you should try to develop the setting a LOT more, especially in the beginning of the story. Don't overkill though. It takes a lot of practice to get the right balance of physical and emotional description. I hope some of this helped, can't wait to see more!

~Cheyenne(:

not bad. I like it :)