BookRix

I come home every night
and in my eyes
you can see fear and fright
my parents argue and raise their fists
it's times like this I want to
slit my wrists
they don't care what I see or hear
they don't even care if I am near
I want to leave here so bad
but if I do I know I'll be sad
I love them both to death
but all of this fighting
seems to take my breath
I ask God what I should do
but it seems as if he's even through
I go to my room and shut the door
and when they found me
I was dead lying on the floor.

She put him out like the burnin' end of a midnight cigarette
She broke his heart, he spent his whole life tryin' to forget
We watched him drink his pain away a little at a time
But he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind
Until the night
He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away her memory
Life is short, but this time it was bigger
Then the strength, he had to get up off his knees
We found him with his face down in the pillow
With a note that said, 'I'll love her till I die.'
And when we buried him beneath the willow
The angels sang a whiskey lullaby
The rumors flew but nobody knew how much she blamed herself
For years and years, she tried to hide the whiskey on her breath
She finally drank her pain away a little at a time
But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind
Until the night
She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away his memory
Life is short, but this time it was bigger
Then the strength, she had to get up off her knees
We found her with her face down in the pillow
Clinging to his picture for dear life
We laid her next to him beneath the willow
While the angels sang a whiskey lullaby

This song makes me cry like a baby I swear

I WANT A pUPPY

Dear Anxiety,

When they ask me what I am afraid of,
I lie.

I can never expose you,
never tell the truth about you for fear of speaking you into existence.
You are my punisher and my captor,
my tormentor, my torturer.
You are the little voice inside of my head
telling me bad, bad things to do to myself,
things I can't talk about
for fear, I'll forget who I am and turn into you.

You tell me we are one and the same, but I am not you.
I would never hurt a child the way you have hurt me.
I would never tell a young girl she is unlovable,
or fat,
or ugly,
or crazy,
or worthless.

I would never tell her to carve ugly, terrible words into her body,
to hold a flame to her skin,
until she has burned herself so badly that the pain goes out like a light
and her nerves are dead,
just like she should be.

I don't know why I listen to you
when you force me to my knees in front of the toilet.
When you send me running around the house in a panic,
searching in vain for a pencil sharpener I haven't already dismantled.
When you tell me the closest to love
I will ever come is sending naked pictures of myself
to disgusting hunters of young prey.

But I am not afraid of them.
I am afraid of the shadows of my mind
of the twisted and warped reality, I am living in.

And I scream because it is all in my head.
I scream because none of it is real.
I scream because you are clawing your way up my throat,
stealing my voice, gouging out my eyes, eating away at the lining of my stomach,
turning my bones to jello and my hair to dust,
destroying, destroying, destroying, destroying, destroying, destroying.

ENOUGH.

I have had ENOUGH. I am not you.
I never was.
I never will be.
This is only a body, and you are only a feeling, and I will rise above.

I am above this, above you, above my thoughts, above it all.
And I will survive.
And I will love me.
And I will not let go.

Losers are
too sad to be busy
too doubtful to be positive
too fearful to be optimistic
and
too defeated to be determined

I'm sorry you missed out when I went to school for the first time,
And you didn't have me tell you that you were all mine.
I'm sorry you weren't there to take me to the mall,
And you weren't there to tell me I have to stand tall.
Sorry you weren't the one I saw when I came home that day
Or the one I'd run to when I had a bad day.
I'm sorry you didn't hear me write these; you'd have been so proud,
And you weren't there to lift me up on a cloud.
Sorry you weren't there to tell me there's nothing to fear,
But then again you should have been here.
I'm sorry you weren't the one to teach me to ride a bike,
Or the one who took me on my first ride.
I'm sorry you weren't the one who carried me on his back.
That was my other daddy, the one I actually had!
Or the one who held me tight when strength is what I lacked.
I'm sorry you weren't the one to hold me when I cried
Or tell me I did great when I really tried.
I'm sorry you were never there to teach me how to cook
Or there at night to read me my favorite book,
I'm sorry me as a daughter is what you never had.
You will always be my father, but you will never be my dad.

Earclogged
The world is silent
my mind turns violent
there is so much noise
that it can't be quiet!

As the rhythm of words
began humming inside my ear
saying different things
that isn't clear.

Was that a rumor?
water engulfs inside my ears
It's that a gossip I ponder?
Oh no,
Not another rumor!

Oh, dear...

All those words clogged inside
I said nothing, but nod
Those words filled up my ear
and it's hard for me to hear...
except for these rumors.

*This I fear.

Why do people spread rumors about me?

I'm not sure when it started or why it is so strong...
On the outside, I seem happy. No one thinks anything's wrong...
But on the inside, I am dying, screaming for someone to see...
That the happy smile and carefree laugh is not the real me...
I've never been happy, not that I can recall...
Between the world and myself, I've built up a wall...
I don't know why I'm like this; it makes no sense to me...
I actually come from a very close and loving family...
But even they have no idea of the hell I endure...
They think I'm happy and normal; of this I am sure.....
I can't take it much longer; I can't live like this!....
I want to feel truly happy; that is my biggest wish.....
I need help, but who will help me? Who could comprehend....?
Is there anyone out there who can help bring this to an end....?
Or am I simply trapped, a prisoner of despair...?
Am I really all alone? Is there no hope for me out there...?
I'm so lost; please help me! I can't do this alone...
I need someone in my corner, a friend to call my own...
Please help me...

14 years, wow that’s a big one!
I’m just glad y’all have had tons of fun
Now, granted, y’all have had your fights
But I know that you’ve had great nights(no pun intended)

14 years, wow that’s a big deal!
Y’all are really keeping it real
Happy Anniversary to my mom and my dad
14 more years to go
Here is your launching pad