BookRix

If you are waiting for a friend request, im sorry. Keeping contact on here is like pulling teeth. Im having hard enough trouble posting this. Its been a while since i have been on, aparently a year, and im sorry. But if anyone needs me just message me or post on here.

Hey, i dont have a computer anymore so i cant write on here. Im sorry.. When i do get a computer i will try but upsating on my phone wont work.

I sat on my knees and looked at the cracked dusty floor of the basement and the tools i brought down with me.
My fingers dragged over the knife i had resting before me and slightly shifted to the rope beside it. My fingers lingered over it and a pang of longing formed in my stomach. My attention shifted to the flesh eating acid beside it an i almost moaned looking at it.

I got up and grabbed the rope, pulling a chair to the middle of the floor. I stood on the chair and tied the rope to the rafters, letting a place for the noose to hang down.

I hopped off the chair and moved to the place where the knife was. I picked it up and twirled it around in my fingers before taking the sharp part of the blade and cutting deep into my wrist. Switching the blade to my other hand, i repeated the same process. The pain was barley noticeable. I was like a robot and couldn't feel anything but my self loathing.

I picked up the blade and turned it to face my stomach and, hesitating briefly before plunging the knife into my gut. I screamed and fell to my knees, pushing the blade deeper into my stomach. With slippery and shaky hands i began to carve a gaping hole in my stomach. My energy was fading fast and my vision blurred with sweat. Once my intestines were showing, i dropped the knife and clutched the ground, watching blood pool all around me. I was fading, and fast. I crawled slowly to the last item i had on my list and grabbed it, dragging it with me to the chair.

I used the chair to pull myself up to stand. It took a lot of effort and swaying before i could drag the container and i onto the chair. With fading memory i looped the noose around my neck, uncapped the container and tipped it over my back. The flesh eating poison began its work, eating at ever part it touched. I knew once it was done, the spine bone would be able to show and the skin and insides would look like a burn mark.

Screaming, i took a sip and kicked the chair from beneath me.

"You took her once, shame on you. You too her twice, shame on me. Whisper softly and tell me that you love me. I am losing you. I dont know what to do. Please forgive me, an know that i am sorry. I am losing you, i dont know what to do... (Trapped inside my memory) i comming apart. I lost it all..."

Blood dripped from the wound on his forearm and down his fingers. He weakly flexed his fingers, testing his strength. A maddened grin touched his lips through the tangled mess of his pitch black hair. A growl rumbled through his chest, mixing with laughter. He had lost his mind, maybe, but we did this to him. His little fan club. His sisters.

Oh yes, we were blinded by his charm. The perfect boy that made everything go away by the way of a hand. But that boy held secrets. So many secrets. Sadly, i was one of them. His mind was twisted and no one knew him. Not really that is. You saw him, but he hid parts of him, parts like this, and it terrifies me.

I scrambled back. The boy i cherished with all my heart, all my being, stood above me, growling and laughing as his blade cut deep into his flesh. He told me he had stopped. He wouldn't self harm. But he doesn't have to. We hurt him enough.

She came out of no where, placing a hand on his shoulder. Her purple hair coating her dark face. He stilled a moment before grinning wildly, turning his head back, and taking her mouth to his. Her hand slid up into his hair and pulled him closer against her mouth.

Lust. He was pure lust. Mixed with pain and deceit. Everything clicked in as i watch them pull each other closer and swallow each others tongues. He had her, but he didn't tell me he did. She did though. I knew what it was like to have his mouth on mine and his body pressed up against me. When she found out, it almost killed her. He was mine, but when i saw her cry, i left him and he never looked back...

I crab crawled away from them as pain ripped through my being. He hates me. He isn't perfect. Just a beautiful lie that i got twisted into. And to tell you the truth? I see his flaws, and i accept it. Who cares what they do to each other? I shouldn't. I shouldn't even care they stopped talking to me, even for a little bit. And i dont. Yet, how come i do?