BookRix

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Support young writers J.K. Persy, and you can be the proud owner of a signed ebook, a GOLDEN KISS and other perks!
https://www.thunderclap.it/projects/9575-codename-chimera?locale=en

Thanks for accepting my friendship request. I look forward to reading your stories.

for your novel The Weight of forgiveness.
priceless gift for lots of peoples who are seeking answer about human behaviors. people who feel inferior in society.

Thank you for the comment on Dulces De Coco, I'm going to try to balance out every poem with a story for those who aren't keen on reading poetry :)

Just wanted to thank you for your read and comments on "You Get What You Pay For". Despite some sad moments, it was indeed a 'feel good' story. I'm glad you liked it.

I really like the new cover for "The weight of forgiveness" It kind of reminds me of the art style of one of the mangas I've read recently. :)

Thanks for adding me in your friend's list God bless.

0_o omg thank you! Your comment made my day, though I doubt it's going to win (there's voting involved and I'm worried that not enough will vote for it) Do you think I can improve my transitions in any way? And I loved your book! It was great! I personally think that it stands a chance :) I especially loved that your character is someone who isn't beautiful physically by societies standards yet she has such a beautiful heart.

Hi...
I read your piece, and actually thought it was quite good. The way you depicted Susan's inner battles is ingenious, and creating the "Freud" character and the woman in black as her livelier self very original. Also, your descriptions of how she deals with her psychosis were great. The downsizing of her shopping to the liquor store, her over-indulgence with booze and drugs. Waking up in vomit? Very nice.
All in all, it was most enjoyable, and other than a few little quirks, well done indeed.
One thing that I saw was your use of "*** me". Why? When you write, you're targeting an audience, and it's either one that can take bad language, or not. This story is more adult, with adult thinking, so it's simply "Oh, fuck me." Don't pull punches. Our job is to set the reader back on his butt...
Watch your dialogue. Making your characters talk in believable language is an art unto itself. You really have to close your eyes and "be" in the scene. For instance, when the son first discovers Susan on the floor, hemmed in by the mopped floor, he asks her if the floor is wet. Imagine the scene. Would he say that? No, it's obviously wet. He'd just get the towels and go on with his Sir Walter Raleigh routine.
Only one other thing I saw in the realistic. At the end of the party, when the "wolf" is hanging on Susan, I doubt the hostess would have let him hang onto her like that, or offer to take her home. That scene was a little shaky.
All in all, I loved it...hope this helps...

Thomas