BookRix

◔_◔ ︀↪ ︀➭ ｗｗｗ．ｄａｔｅ４ｆｕｑ．ｃｏｍ?-aracus

Hey, you added me as a friend on here, on your own head be it by the way lol so i just wanted to say merci ma copain :)

I think I got what the story was about, but it's extremely confusing. You refer to Aracus (love the name) in the third person, but then switch to first person by using "I". Are they they same one? And who are the other characters? You introduce them all with no background, no back-story, no explanation, and by page 5, I was totally lost. You also have a lot of run-on sentences. I would suggest making an outline of the plot, then writing a list of the characters with a description of each (this is for you, and not the way to post the book). Work out a timeline, backstory, history of the location, and when you can "see" your world well enough to describe it so the reader can see it, too, go back and fill in these details, using what you've already got as a place to start.

I like the idea of the story, from what I could tell, and think it might really be great with some work. Read some of the stories by Aaron Redfern to see well-constructed stories, one of which I believe is in the same genre as yours. It's a good start, so please don't give up. Just keep working with it, like a painting, adding, changing colors, reworking details until your "work of art" is worthy of being framed, lol.

Best of luck with this - I look forward to seeing more! 'D

Haiiiiii thug life is the way to go, broski! Dueces! Reply:3