BookRix

Really good short story. Though I would echo the rest. I want more. This could be a good prologue or something for a book. Why don't you try?

Anyway, the narration and descriptions were well put. But I noticed that you tend to have the same sentence patterns with He/I + verb and some consecutive simple sentences. I tend to do these, too, but I was told they don't look good. So I suggest try varying your sentences, too :)

But nonetheless, a great read. :)

thank you

yeah its really descriptive with the blood and all that but needs more about the scene but i loved it

that was awesome really descriptive

need more!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

Awesome tips :)

great short story I would add a bit more detail try to show the reader the scene try not to tell them like reporting he did, she saw, he went things like that :)